


Saturn

by phroobin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 19:23:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16708570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phroobin/pseuds/phroobin
Summary: “You can kiss me, Padfoot. I’ve been hoping you would for months now”.Remus and Sirius remember their first kiss in the same way, but for each of them, the memory means something different in their future. Short one shot piece based on the song'Saturn' by Sleeping at Last, and written for my own darling Padfoot.





	Saturn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greasepaint (Telenovela)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telenovela/gifts).



Remus remembers their first kiss as if it were yesterday. He remembers Sirius’s long hair blowing in the wind as they had sat on the edge of the great lake one night looking up at the stars, bodies angled towards one another, and the way his friend’s voice shook almost imperceptibly as their fingertips touched on the damp grass. He remembers the hesitance and nervousness of Sirus’s actions as they faced each other, the way their icy breath mingled as Sirius’s eyes flicked back and forth between his lips and his eyes, the flutter of his own pulse as the months of wanting, of desperate hoping, had unfolded before him.

“It’s okay, Sirius,” Remus had whispered, “I feel it too”.

Sirius remembers the gentleness of Remus’s hand on his face, the tender way he had stroked his cheekbone gently with his thumb as he pressed their foreheads together, and the choked sound he himself had made as Remus had tipped his face up slightly, bumping their noses together softly with a shy smile. Oh, how Sirius would have waged wars for Remus’s smile.

“You can kiss me, Padfoot. I’ve been hoping you would for months now”.

Remus remembers the scrape of stubble against his skin as his friend finally closed the gap between them, the pressure of Sirius’s hand on his waist and the warmth from it that seeped through the layers of clothing and down into his bones. Sirius remembers the way his fingers felt as they curled in Remus’s hair, the first soft and tentative feel of his friend’s lips on his, and then the desperation between them as the kiss grew into more.

When they had finally pulled away from one another, flushed and giddy, their eyes sparkling with new found possibilities, both boys had known they never wanted to kiss anyone else again.

\------------------------  
  


For Remus, remembering Sirius in this way is always bittersweet; these memories are Remus’s most precious possessions. They are the only way he can keep the Sirius of the past, the Sirius he knew – the Sirius he loved – alive. The Sirius that the world knows now could not be more different, and the reality of remembering what he did often brings Remus to his knees. It is a hurricane blowing through his heart, tearing his life apart. After all, his Sirius is gone, as dead to him as the rest of his friends are. He had lost them all in one go, the lone survivor of a war he never asked for, the only one still breathing. Remus knows that the others are gone for good, but the knowledge that some unknown iteration of the man he loved still remains – rotting behind the bars of Azkaban, snarling on the cover of the Daily Prophet, responsible for the murder of Lily and James and Peter – is enough to wreck him anew.

For Sirius, languishing in the prison, it is the memory of the night at the lake and his own focus on his own innocence that sustains him. The Dementors may have taken everything else, but he would rather die than let them take that night from him. He knows he owes Remus an apology, an explanation, anything, for the pain of the years after his sentencing. And so, in the depths of Azkaban, it is the remembering that fuels him; the idea of holding Remus again, of telling him how rare and beautiful it is that he has continued to exist through the pain, how sorry Sirius is for the nights he must have lain awake grieving and alone as he believed his lover could betray their friends, and how much he loves Remus, that helps him plan his escape.

For both men, the memory of the lake is a sanctuary, an escape from the unwanted realities they have been forced into. It’s suspended in time; an untouched moment, a piece of history, that holds the two together through their hurt and fear, keeping them as entwined as the evening they watched the skies together and shared the kiss that sealed their fates all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea behind this short piece has been stuck in my head for months now, and I'm still not sure I've fully done it justice. This song is, to me, such a bittersweet Wolfstar one thanks to the lyrics... if anyone wanted reasons please do let me know, because I'd love to talk through my thoughts.
> 
> This fic is also the first piece of writing I've done in a good long while, so please be gentle with me.


End file.
